As long as I can remember, I’ve always been the kid who’s fearful, shy, emotional, sentimental, and basically very sensitive. I get hurt by small things and will burst into tears if someone tells me no, talks down to me, or shouts at me. And I’ve always preferred compassionate love over tough love.
But I didn’t know why until recently.
About one year ago, I came across the term Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). I had been trying to understand why I’m so emotional and what to do to stop crying all the time. I had believed for a very long time that being sensitive made me weak, and I wanted to learn how to be strong and resilient. Just like most people seemed to be.
What I didn’t know was that being sensitive was actually a survival trait I was born with and not a weak trait I acquired from being shy in my early years. And that if this sensitive trait was harnessed, I could become the strongest person in the room.
It was such an interesting revelation.
Since then, I’ve been trying to learn more and more about this sensitive trait. And how I can harness it to become stronger emotionally, mentally, and socially. Which is why today, I’m asking if you’re an Orchid or a Dandelion?
Orchids vs. Dandelions
Dr. Thomas Boyce, a Professor of Paediatrics and Psychiatry, writes in his book that dandelion children are hardy, resilient, and able to thrive and prosper in most environments. On the other hand, orchid children are highly sensitive, more fearful, shy, and have a more pronounced response to stress.
Not only that; but if orchids do not receive empathetic parenting and teaching, they are at high risk of suffering a mental illness and becoming addicted to drugs.
Talk of being born unlucky — am I right?
With Dr. Boyce’s definition, I’m definitely an orchid. I was born a sensitive child and I remain sensitive to date.
So, does this mean that we orchids are doomed to a life of misery and affliction? Or that dandelions are guaranteed a life of happiness and success?
The answer is NO.
While dandelion children are born more resilient than orchid children, how they turn out is dependent on the environment they’re raised in. And also on the teachings and direction they’re exposed to.
Which is to mean, even an orchid child can grow up to be strong and resilient, despite their delicate nature. In fact, according to Dr Boyce, orchids can learn to be resilient and thrive when they are:
- Encouraged to recognize their individuality,
- Given a routine and structure,
- Pushed with compassion to try new things
- Overwhelmed with tactile love
- Allowed to play more than dandelion children.
It is in the lack of this kind of parenting and teaching that orchid children begin to have a difficult life.
Because they’re not well-equipped to handle stressful environments, they start to find it really difficult to navigate life. And so they suffer issues like low self-esteem and self-doubt, and mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and substance abuse.
So,
What Happens to Adult Orchids and Dandelions?
As an adult dandelion, there’s a good chance you’re navigating through life just fine. You go through daily stresses and obstacles like everyone else. But you’re strong enough to not let them break you. This is, of course, if other factors other than your resilient character aren’t in question.
As for adult orchids, if you didn’t grow up with the compassion and understanding you needed, there’s a chance you’re struggling to find your place in this world. There’s a chance you’re struggling with your mental health. And there’s a chance you have no idea where to start.
So I’ll try and help you out.
When I found out about the highly sensitive trait — otherwise known as “sensory processing sensitivity”, I was relieved and excited. Relieved because there was nothing wrong with me and I didn’t mess myself up. And excited because I could now start to understand myself better and understand why everyone around me seemed to be so insensitive.
It wasn’t their fault. I was just sensitive, and everything they said and did hurt me; even though none of them intended to hurt me. In fact, most of what was done and said was all out of love. But because sensitive people (orchids) like me thrive better with compassionate love instead of tough love, I still suffered.
So here’s where I want you to start:
I want you to visit this website by Dr. Elaine Aron to learn more about the highly sensitive person (HSP). Because growth and improvement starts with discovery. And there’s no better discovery than that of the self.
And by the way, understanding your orchid nature or sensitive trait will answer so many of your unanswered questions.
You can also read Dr. Thomas Boyce’s book, The Orchid and the Dandelion. But be warned: this book is mostly useful for the parent raising an orchid child (sensitive child). As an adult orchid you may find the book more depressing than useful. Because what it does is emphasize what could go wrong if an orchid child doesn’t grow up in the right environment.
As an alternative, consider opting for Dr Elaine’s book; The Highly Sensitive Person. You can get it on Amazon here, or on her website here. She also has several other books related to HSPs that you can find via both links.
In the End
Whether an orchid or a dandelion, a HSP or a non-HSP, we’re all people created and wired differently. But because we’re different doesn’t mean one is better than the other. We may be better or worse at a skill, hobby, or life, but as a people, none is better than the other.
So learn to love yourself as you are.
And because you can’t learn to love someone you don’t know, start by being self-aware. Learn more about yourself. Understand what makes you tick and what excites you. Then fuel it and become the best version of yourself you can be.
That way, it won’t even matter whether you’re an orchid or a dandelion. Because you’ll be living your best life and loving every minute of it.
…
Until next time,
I send you love💚.
